Residents from a small town coming together to make a difference in the financial world.
Dear John,
We wanted to let you know about a new educational class that has been started by a small group in the community that is trying to make a difference in the financial world. Members of the Cache Valley Area Investors Association meet every other Thursday to discuss needs that they feel are beneficial to them in helping them stay on top of their finances and receive guidance and direction on certain topics. Their next meeting will be held on March 6th to discuss different financial topics.
Cache Valley Area Investors Association was started by Preston Parker back in August of 2007 to help educate members of the community. In doing this they have many different guest speakers attend their meetings to discuss topics that they feel are important.
The association was created to help members better understand their own personal finances and become financially free.
Are you available to sit down with Preston Parker this Thursday, February 28th between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. to meet and discuss any questions you may have about the association?
Please feel free to contact me at any time and let me know what time will work best for you. We look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks,
Jeff Wright
801-865-9999
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3 comments:
Re-write a better subject line. The focus is financial education and financial independence.
Proof read for minor grammar and spelling mistakes.
The website is: www.cvaia.com
Make sure dates are in AP Style.
I like that you asked for a specific day to meet, and that you asked "are you available" instead of "are you free". Even more effective is to offer two options for the person to choose.
Put the person's contact info right before the salutation in the beginning.
This is an association, not a company.
Nice to mention how this association relates not only to the person you are pitching to, but also to the readers. Making this connection explicit will help make your pitch more successful.
Put your contact info at the bottom after your name. Identify your relationship with the association.
You would put a date at the beginning.
I would get some more of the lead elements near the beginning: meeting every other Thursday in the Cache County Chamber of Commerce at 7 p.m., anyone can attend and it's free of charge.
All I can say is to add the persons contact information at the top, because I need to as well. But I liked how you tied in the fact that there are guest speakers showing CVAIA's dynamic approach to financial eduaction.
Good job! good job being specific and informative but not unperson able.
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