Conversational Terrorism

These are some great ways to annoy a lot of people and make some people very mad. Some of my favorite ones that I think would be great to use are....

COMPLIMENTARY INSULT:

"You're looking less repulsive than usual today."

DISTORTED ACTIVE LISTENING:
"If I hear you correctly, your point is... (get it all wrong)."

"It sounds as if you are saying that torturing children is a good idea...."


I KNOW BETTER:
"Johnny, the reason I can't give you permission to go to the party is because I know that deep in your heart you'd rather spend the time here with me."

SELECTIVE MEMORY:
To bring up a past event and GET IT ALL WRONG, or even to make up a past event. The intent is to get the other person confused, angry, and defensive.

"You never admit defeat. Remember that chess game I beat you in?" (The one you lost.)

"But last week (or a minute ago) you said the opposite! Make up your mind!"

"Remember last time we had an argument, and you turned out to be wrong and wouldn't admit it? Now we're in the same spot we were last time."

KNEE JERK:

"I would like to answer your question directly, but considering your past reactions / ability to cope with the truth / emotional instability, I feel that to do so would be a disservice to you at this time." [Other person gets (justifiably) upset.] "See, what did I tell you. You are flying off the handle already!"

LOOK AT YOU:
After using any of the previous ploys, point out any physical manifestations of the other person's irritation as further proof that they are wrong.

"You seem to be sweating a lot. Of course, I would be too if I had to try to support your flimsy position."

I can see how a lot of people would be really bugged by all of these great tactics for any conversation.